It took me a while to really look at my body after I had my second baby. I’m not sure how long it was. Not as long with my second baby (a VBAC) as with my first baby (an unplanned C-Section). It’s impossible to gauge time in those early days of a newborn, where life exists in the bleary-eyed dichotomy of feeding or not-feeding, and trying (and often failing) to sleep while the baby sleeps. But it was a while before I could look.
[In a spooooky narrator’s voice….]
If you dare, join me on a spooky Halloween stroll. Not through a misty maze or a haunted house, but through the shadows, depths, and dark corners of the human heart. Therein we will confront our greatest fears, and perhaps gain our greatest insights. The "treat" within the "trick" if you will.
Mwuahahaaa!
A conversation I have frequently with my clients revolves around how to best respond to our partner when they are upset. Seeing the person we love in distress is a powerful experience. Perhaps our partner is in tears after a difficult interpersonal interaction, or shaking with anxiety in anticipation of a scary situation. A common response is to offer some suggestions or ideas to help them feel better or resolve the situation. On paper, this makes sense... we may think, "Wow - my partner is really upset right now. Shouldn't I try to help?" However, if you are like most couples, you may have noticed that this does not always pan out the way we hope.
I tend to work with analytical thinkers, who often thrive on their ability to solve complex problems. They can be briefed on a situation, quickly see the root of the problem, and proceed to hypothesize and test solutions until they crack it. This ability to problem-solve absolutely rocks in the right context, and has often allowed us to excel in our academic and professional lives. So it makes absolute sense that, when we see the person we love in distress, we start using these same skills. But then why the heck does this seem to backfire so often?
As a Couples Therapist, I see the pressure many feel to choose a gift that will be at once surprising, romantic, spectacular, and also meaningful. It can be quite a puzzle to figure out .... and sometimes we might stress out about it so much that we are not fully present with our partner on this special day.
As a therapist, I truly believe that it's not as much about the gift as it is about the deeper meaning behind the gift. And this meaning can really vary from person to person. It can be helpful to start with some knowledge of what gifts mean, both to our partner and to ourselves
Many of us struggle with getting a good night's sleep on a regular basis. This can be a common concern that I hear from my clients, especially since sleep deprivation can have a negative impact on our overall physical and emotional well-being.
The good news is that there are things we can do to help improve our ability to get a good night's sleep. These habits are known as "sleep hygiene." What follows is a list of the techniques and habits recommended by sleep experts, and that I have also found to be helpful for my clients.
There are a lot of ideas here - I wanted this blog post to be a somewhat comprehensive deep dive, rather than a "best of" list. This is because what works for some people may not work for others. It can, however, be somewhat overwhelming, so I recommend choosing a few to get started with, and add on from there if sleep remains elusive.
Well, no.... just kidding about the "all my problems are gone" part. (Yeah... that was just to get you to click here and keep reading..... sorry, but can you blame me? It's the internet, and I'm up against cat videos!)
But, in all reality, even though my problems still remain, taking the time to drink a cup of tea outside, and dip into some mindfulness, actually has helped me to view all my problems with a renewed perspective.
Usually, during the days surrounding the New Year, my mind turns to reflection. I tend to be pretty serious about this - I fill my journal with aspirations for the upcoming year, I seek out conversations about the highlights of the past year and hopes and dreams about the next, and I usually plan some quiet time to reflect and seal my intentions for the next cycle around the sun. But for some reason this year, things felt different. These reflections did not emerge the way they often do. I’m not sure why, but I did not seem to have the focus or the patience to introspect to the extent that I often do - I could not find the words.
This did not feel right. New Year’s came and went, and I started to feel like this glorious opportunity was slipping away. What was happening? Was I really going to let the cusp of 2019 come and go without my customary ritual? I knew I would need to try something different this year. My mind then turned to expressive arts - this is what I share with clients at Redwood Counseling when we are sitting with a difficult idea, and words are not forthcoming. Then it seemed clear - why not dip into some Expressive Arts for myself around the idea of the New Year, and see what would emerge!
Couples therapy is an investment of your time, money, and emotional energy. Of course you want to make sure you get the best results! Perhaps you yearn for more peaceful communication, deeper and more meaningful connections, or increased intimacy and closeness. Whatever your goals, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) ultimately helps you and your partner to feel better in your relationship.
A lot of the EFT process rests on finding the right therapist with excellent training to guide you and your partner, but there is a lot YOU can do to make sure you are getting the most out the process! Here are some tips to keep in mind as you start your EFT couples therapy.
